so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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