All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
