i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
