just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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