So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
