oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
