He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
