woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
