im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
