Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Two words: nipple clamps
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