I just threw up on my dentist
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
