So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
