that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
