you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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