you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
