You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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