it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
