White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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