he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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