that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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