all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
