Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
