my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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