TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
