i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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