Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
