i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
