I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
