I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Terrible idea I love it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
