if you like me you must not know who I am
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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