apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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