Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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