I wish I could teleport
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
