If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
