You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
