DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Terrible idea I love it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
