I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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