after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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