Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
