I skipped work to stalk him.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
