wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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