Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
