I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
