Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
