I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
