If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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