it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
