last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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