the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
