why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
