I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
