everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
