eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
