I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
