I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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