So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Help me help you realize you are a moron
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
