i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
